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Still Very, Very Lost 20/05/2010

How Will It All End?

Lost. You can’t go anywhere without someone talking about it. In the good ol’ days, back when it started, people had nothing but praise for JJ Abram’s show about a group of castaways. But what made it so special is now its undoing. The show was built on mystery, and it was this mystery that kept people hooked. Now, as the finale approaches, the mystery has gotten too much for some people. But with a two and a half hour finale, surely these questions will be answered; the mystery solved. Or maybe not.

WARNING : This will most likely contain spoilers. If you haven’t seen the last few episodes of Lost and you still plan on watching them, then go away. Don’t complain if you read something you don’t want to. That’s it, keep walking, buddy.

JJ Abrams left the show quite a while ago, and it is now in the hands of Damon Lindeloff and Carlton Cuse. But are they capable hands? Most people would say “no, even Michael J. Fox has more capable hands” (it’s in quotation marks, so it’s safe to make that joke). The past few episodes have brought out the worst in most fans, who foam at the mouth for proper answers. But Lindeloff and Cuse themselves have told us that we’re not going to get all the answers; something they presumably said from a bunker 50 feet underground. But what answers do we want? What answers won’t we get? Will people ever be happy. I can answer that last one now; no. The bastards will never be happy.

The Sideways Universe – Something that we will definitely get an answer to. The last episode “What They Died For” set it up perfectly for next episode. Everyone is attending the same concert in the Sideways Universe, thanks to Desmond, but why? What will happen? This will definitely be answered. If not, then Lindeloff and Cuse ARE as stupid as people make them out to be.

The Smoke Monster – We already know what Smokey is, or at least, we can make a pretty good guess; he seems to be the manifestation of the evilness in Jacob’s brother. So basically, he’s al bad. But what we may get the answer to is “what is to become of him?” This can go one of three ways; 1) He is killed and Smokey is no more, 2) He stays alive, trapped on the Island by the new “Jacob” (which is Jack at the moment, but probably not for long) and 3) He escapes and we all cease to exist.

Desmond Hume – We learnt last episode that Desmond is a “failsafe”. What that means exactly is anyone’s guess. Failsafe to destroy the Island maybe? One way or another, we’ll learn exactly what “failsafe” means next episode.

David’s Mother – David, Jack’s chipper little child, is participating in the previously mentioned concert, and his mother will be there to watch. But who is his mother? Popular theories claim that Juliet is going to be David’s mum, but there’s only one way to find out…

Smokey’s Name – When I say Smokey, I mean Jacob’s Brother, Man in Black, Man in Locke, whatever you want to call him, he still doesn’t have a name, and this is an answer fans really want. When I say “fans” I mean idiots who can’t get over the fact that he does not, and never will, have a name. He doesn’t need one. Why is it so important he has a name? Why is this one of the big questions? Why, just why?

The Polar Bears – This is another question that really fucking irritates me. Not only has this been explained (Dharma brought them to the island to perform experiments on them) but people still think there’s more to it. And this is the question asked by every single non-fan of Lost. The question people use to justify their abandonment of Lost. “I stopped watching Lost when there were polar bears on the island”. Shut the fuck up. That is the stupidest reason to stop watching a show. And people still ask this question today. Just fuck off.

It’s All a Dream – Not a question, but it sort of relates to the previous point. This has been used as another petty excuse for giving up on Lost. “I stopped watching Lost when I thought it was all Hurley’s/Walt’s/Vincent’s dream”. Excuse me? You stopped watching it because you had a theory it was a dream? You based your views on Lost because you thought it was a fucking dream? WHAT!? You can’t dismiss a TV show because you think it’s something it isn’t. I might stop watching Outnumbered because it’s all actually a part of Hugh Dennis’ destroyed psyche after he murdered his entire family.

Answers, Answers, Answers – THE stupidest reason to stop watching Lost, “I stopped watching because the answers didn’t make sense”. This is Lost; it’s hardly rooted in reality. Sure the Well of Light is a stupid idea, but I’m not the one writing the show. So you know what I did when I saw that absurd answer? I sat back and thought “this is Lost after all”. Just because this disproved your stupid little theory does not mean it is a bad show, it just means you’re a fucking idiot. Fine, stop watching Lost with only two episodes to go. It’s only 6 years of your life you’ve wasted. No big loss with you gone.

What started as a humble list of questions has now descended into a rant which probably offended many people. I call that a job well done.

The finale of Lost, creatively entitled “The End”, airs on Sunday 23rd of May in America on ABC. Us Brits will probably have to wait longer; well, those not savvy enough to use the internet.